OCD Support Community's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in
OCD Support Community's LiveJournal:
|Sunday, January 28th, 2007|
Hello- I just opened up anxietyover25
, for people ages 25+ to relax and get friendly support for coping with anxiety disorders. Please feel free to drop by, if you'd like. We'd be happy to have you.
Mods, I will apologize and delete this post if you want me to. Current Mood: hopeful
|Saturday, December 16th, 2006|
I have OCD and I have a question about it. I'm extremely irritated by some people's voices, but a lot of other people don't seem to mind those voices.
Can finding certain voices irritating be a part of OCD, or is this just about personal tastes?
|Monday, November 13th, 2006|
I am quite considered that I am re-developing an old tic I used to have as a child and young teens that went away with medication in early high school.
It has come and gone since then, but after it first left, has never been as strong until now. The past few days, I've been doing it constantly. I do it unconsciously then even notice I'm doing it but am fairly unable to stop it. And when I try to with-hold from doing it, I become overcome with anxiety and panic and discomfort and begin doing it more forcefully than before. I don't know really if this is a tic or an OCD-typed compulsive. I know the two are often related.
People in classes have even pointed out my making these sounds during tests, etc.
It happens most when I'm anxious.
I make a gutteral kind of grunting/beeping sound in my upper throat and like the way it makes the muscles in my throat feel. At the same time, I must click my front teeth together. The click of the teeth must be EXACTLY at the same time as the noise and the teeth must be PERFECTLY aligned. If not, I will repeat it five times in rapid succession. Once done, I begin to think it wasn't aligned or that the noise did not have enough "lift." The "lift" refers to a concept I see in my head when I make the noise. The "lift" is a strength and weight in the noise that "lifts" up something physically unidentifiable. Once I do it right, I feel that the sound physically picked up these thing that is not identified and I feel relief for a few minutes.
I do this noise and teeth action about 500 times per day lately. I do it without realizing it half the time then other times, catch myself and become preoccupied with it then start trying to make it "lift" things.
I wonder if it is a tic or ritual. I want it GONE. What is this? Does it matter?
I am on meds now for OCD, although it's considered an anti-depressant. It's Celexa. Could I be on the wrong med for OCD? What meds have helped with your OCD?
NOTE: I do also have many other certain OCD symptoms. I just do not know what this thing is.
|Monday, July 17th, 2006|
Hi. Before I go on, I just want to say that this isn't my real LJ, it's kind of just an alias.
I'm 16 and I think I might have a mild form of OCD, but obviously I'm not 100% sure. I've been reading up on it, and I was wondering if someone here could tell me if I possibly might have it.
Here are some things I do: Every picture/poster on my wall has to be perfectly aligned or it bothers me. I re-arrange the furniture in my bedroom all the time (twice within this week already).
If, for example, I'm sitting on my bed and I glance over at my alarm clock, if it's not at a perfect angle to me, I have to move it so it is.
I have a huge collection of junk I don't really need.
Sometimes I have really strange thoughts about doing certain things. I know I would never do it, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if I did do it.
I think I'm also a bit of a hypochondriac - but then, could me thinking I have OCD just be the hypochondria talking? :/ So, if someone could help me, I'd be really grateful!
|Wednesday, July 5th, 2006|
Ever heard of this?
I'm familiar with some types of OCD, but wondered if anyone has ever heard of anything like this.
I have this problem with using some items in their entirty. This is mainly things I get as gifts: an example: a bath set with lotions, shower gel etc. I will use some, but can't finish it. Some things I can't open, they just sit there. Also, some things that I buy new- for example teatowels, I have to buy several, but I won't use them all. I find the need to keep new ones around.
I have several bottles around with little bits of lotion, creams whatever in the bottom. I can't throw them out, because there is still some left, but at the same time I can't use it up or it will be all gone.
Anyway.. just wondering if anyone experiences this or heard of this?
Thanks :) Current Mood: curious
|Tuesday, July 4th, 2006|
I'm a 16 year old girl from Leeds, England. I was diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago and was rushed to the top of the waiting list for CBT with a 'bad case'.
It started when I was about 9. I was with my dad in the kitchen, who was cleaning. I had pikced up the bleach and was fiddling with the bottle. Being an excessive nail-biter, I put my hands in my mouth. I tasted something bitter and said to my dad 'I think I've swallowed some bleach..' He made me wash out my mouth and drink loads of water. I panicked, thinking I was going to die. After that, as you can guess, I got obsessive over washing my hands..
I can't really remember whether this was before or after my bleach incident, but I'd also being suffering from 'weird' sensations where my chest became tight and I felt like I was going to die, like I had to get up and run like hell.
So at 9 years of age, I had an obsession with washing my hands, and began todevelop obsessions with numbers - 17, mostly - and had to do everything 17 times (why'd it have to be such a big number? why not 3?!). My brother noticed my excessive hand washing, and being 3 years older, began calling me 'clean freak'. However, my parents were oblivious. I had never heard of OCD and had no idea what was wrong with me - I just thought I was weird, had a few screws loose.
As time went on, as OCD does, it faded to almost nothing, and what rituals were still there were done out of habit and did not interrupt my life. When I was about 13, my nan took me, my brother, and my 2 cousins to the caravan on holiday. I was reading my cousins magazine, the problem page, and one of the problems was from a girl who said her friend washed her hands all the time. The agony aunt told the girl that her friend probably suffered from OCD. It finally hit me..that's what I'd had for 3 or so years.
Obviously, as I hadn't known what it was before..I didn't really think of it often, if at all. Now all that I could think about is that what I'd had was an actual mental health problem.
Queue OCD back, in full, swinging force.
This time I didn't have the cleaning obsession. It was the numbers. The symmetry. And a few others. It began to slowly consume my life again, only this time I kept it more private, because I didn't want people knowing I was CRAZY.
So a year or so went by with my OCD once again taking over my life. From age 13 I also began to experience depression - probably a side affect of the OCD. I went into deep moods which I wouldn't escape for weeks, months at a time. My parents put it down to being a teenager - rude, inconsiderate, sullen.
Then I got to breaking point. I was a frequent self-harmer and felt like it couldn't get much worse.
I talked to a few friends, and when the time felt right, plucked up enough courage to tell my mum (my dad's never being very understanding of any mental health problem - why can't people just be happy?). I told her, and she didn't seem to take it very seriously. She said 'if it hasn't gone in a few weeks I'll take you to the doctor'
Obviously, OCD doesn't like 'just going away' especially when you're so concious of it. A 'few weeks' passed and I told my mum that it was still there. She reluctantly booked a doctors appointment.
The doctor reffered me to a pyschotherapist - for cognitive behavioural therapy. I was put at the bottom of the waiting list, but when I got excluded from school for taking drugs during school hours, I was upped the list and almost in therapy the next day.
At first it wasn't so bad. Then as time went on, being about 14-15, I didn't really like talking to a middle aged man who didn't seem to have anything in common with me apart from the fact that we both liked coffee. He uncovered the fact that I was also suffering from depression. After a while of refusing to talk, my dad stopped coming into the room with me and waited outside (my mum didn't take me anymore - it upset her too much). My therapist decided that I was rude and unco-operative and we would often fall out quite severely, he would end the session and tell me to come back next time with 'a better head on'.
All in all, I became a bit more open with him, even though it caused me great embarrasment. He began setting me homework. After a hwile, CBT got 'boring' and I began making up my homework - asking a 15 year old kid with a fairly severe OCD to record EVERY TIME they had an obsession or compulsion is asking a bit TOO MUCH, perhaps? I mean, what would they think at school?
Eventually, after about a year, I got discharged because faking my homework had worked and I was 'cured'.
Because of the CBT life at home was better, I was more open with my parents, we communicated a lot more. In turn, my OCD did decrease a fair bit.
But of course, it can't go long without rearing it's ugly head, and here I am again, after just leaving High School - I'm expected to take care of the house seeing as I don't have a job and don't go back to college for 2 months.
When the chores aren't done to the best standard there's trouble and an earfull from my parents. They have obviously forgotten that I have or ever did have OCD - and once again seem oblivious to the fact I'm living in my own personal hell. I don't want to tell them again, because as far as they know, I learnt techniques in CBT to control my OCD and it will never bothe me again.
Well, my back hurts now from leaning forward ha. I can't believe I've neevr thought to search for an OCD community before. Looking forward to talkign to some of you.
I'm out xox
|Wednesday, May 31st, 2006|
lets play "changing rooms!"
ah well, yesterday was a bad bad day for me. but ive been pretty good previously before that, not panicking about leaving cleaning to a little later and actually letting my friends come over again, not procrastinating over my little things etc as much, and feeling quite happy and relaxed.
but then yesterday i woke up with such a start i could hardly believe i was even asleep. but i felt really good still so off to work, everything is dandy.
and then at work, i helped the swatch lady do swatch requests as we where so busy (i work for fabric wholesalers so we have cut squares of our different fabrics and stick them on cards and send to customers) which can be a recipe for disaster at the best of times, as i have this desire to always do them soooo neatly so they look really nice, but its kind of a waste of time when we are REALLY busy.
so i start doing this, and then another co-worker of mine helping cracked it with me and started ranting, "will you bloody stop mucking around and just DO THE SWATCHES, what you are doing is a complete WASTE OF TIME, just do it and stop being a TIME WASTER!!!" as you can probably tell she isnt the most patient person.
anyway, i was shocked. i felt indignant that HOW DARE she yell at me, HOW DARE she tell me what to do, and HOW DARE she tell me i cant present things nicely. and then i felt abit embarrassed then, as my little desire for the most ordered swatches had just been noticed and ridiculed by a co-worker. oh the shame.
i spent the rest of the day still on a sort of a high i suppose, i was still kinda bouncy and felt like talking lots but also feeling that impending doom feeling, and i felt really worried. so i go home that night and everything is all ok, but at that point i got heaps more time to think cos i am by myself and my mind is not occupied with work. so what did i decide to do at 9:30pm last night that seemed at the time "the MOST brilliant OMG Why Haven't I Done It Before!" idea - i decided to swap some rooms around.
so off i go and start heaving all this heavy furniture around lol, washed walls and EVERYTHING, and then start moving my "study/sewing room" into the old "spare room". and guess what, the furniture wouldnt fit! i was like "OH NOES I CANT LEAVE MATTRESSES AND WARDROBES AND DESKS RANDOMLY IN THE HALLWAY - THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!" i quickly went and set up computer just so i could "talk" or "type" to someone, and luckily a couple of my friends where online so they calmed me down, and that i could just put it all back tomorrow night. and then i saw the funny side. and oh god its HILARIOUS. ive never done a more stranger thing especially so drastic.
so im going home tonight to change all the furniture back. Current Mood: amused
|Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006|
I am new to this community. I have been seeking online support for ocd. I am 27 yrs. old and go to Oklahoma State University. I live in a college town with limited group support for disorders. At OSU, we have counseling services, but they are limited as well. The more support one has, the better. I have been diagnosed with ocd since 2001. I knew even in high school that I had some kind of disorder, but I did not know what to call it. I lived in Las Vegas, NV. at that time, and it wasn't until I moved to Oklahoma that I sought help for a suicide attempt. I am doing a lot better because of medication and counseling, well counseling that I received in the past, but there are of course, many difficult days, and it always helps to listen to other people's stories and participate in a community who cares. I have friends with similar disorders and different ones, but I always think that it is good to expand my support group.
|Friday, May 5th, 2006|
Only join this community if you KNOW you have OCD. Don't join just to ask questions concerning if you have OCD or not. This community is for people who have OCD and ACCEPT it, not for people to cry and whine about how it ruins your life. Do you have any funny stories to tell about your dealings with OCD? They are welcome here. You don't have to be 18 to join, but please be mature. If you're looking for people to snark, don't look here. All entries will be locked and if I catch any snarking, you will be banned. What happens here, stays here. Save the drama for your mama! Debates are welcome here but don't get personal!
|Friday, April 21st, 2006|
Hello everyone! I'm 16 from the USA and I just heard of OCD today.
I don't know if I have OCD but a lot of people have been telling me that I deffinetly do.
I obsessively measure my food before I eat it. I need to know how much I'm putting into my body or I start panicing. I measure everything even peanutbutter. But the weird thing is if someone else prepares it for me I am fine and don't need to measure it.
Could this possibly be a sign of OCD?
|Monday, April 10th, 2006|
I don't really know all that much about this disorder but suspect I have mild obsessive compulsive behavior. That is, I am not sure what else to call it.
I like to keep my house in order - to a reasonable degree - and when I am in an 'extreme cleaning' mood, I will rearrange the house entirely (I do this often) and throw out a lot of possessions. Recently it has become problematic because I am moving into a new house (the end of renting!) and don't want anything coming into it that doesn't have to. This would be fine if I was living on my own but I find myself clearing out my partner's things. I feel contempt for most of his possesions - many I consider clutter - and things have come to the point of me secretly throwing things away (he hasn't noticad anything yet, which validates my thinking that he doesn't need these things).
I feel a lot of anxiety when there are things in my home that I would rather get rid of. does anyone else have this problem?
|Wednesday, March 29th, 2006|
Hi everyone. My name is Yosra, I'm 15 and I live in London with my mum. I'd like if it's ok to share a few of my experiences with OCD in the hope that someone will benefit from them. After all, that's why the human race is so big, right?
I think I've had OCD since I was four. That was an important year for me, as I broke my left arm twice in the same place, and as a result the bone is now very lop-sided and upside down when I stick it out. And so I became obsessed with symmetry.
After my accident, I was aware of a sense of diccomfort concenrning myu arm. I wished that the other one was just like it, and so started 'the fair game'. Everything I did on one side was to be repeated with the other side of my body, until the two shades of blue with which I associated everything became matching without a doubt. Later on in life it evolved to awareness of my surroundings, and I became engrossed in regular cleaning routines, and felt obliged to perform the act of something simple such as picking up a pen from the floor in order to for instance save the life of a child in Africa. The way in which i feel that I an responsible for looking after the human race seems to others like the Chaos Theory. But to me it makes all the sense in the world.
I first identified that I was not alone in the Fair Game at the age of nine, where one morning before school I sat watching BBC news. The reader announced clips form a documentary that would be later that night and within moments I was living in the horror that other people might possibly think that they were as important as I was in this way.
Later on in life during the process of my mum and I moving house 5 times, I mentioned these imperative voices in my head to my mum. When I mentioned the tv progremme she seemed to think I had conjured the whoile thing in my head. Nevertheless she spoke to my dad for the first time in years. Being religious fanatics, they decided that I was pretty much possessed. They forced me to the church every day after school and in the holidays too, where my dad set me up with Father Richard for some talks. Really it turned out that my dad had an idea, which the clergymen opposed, that if I was baptised and confirmed instantly it would be a sort of magic cure for itall. My mum had these ideas too. When the priests opposed my parents set me up with daily bible readings and gave me prayers and psalms and burnt incense in the houses. It was all very stressful.
Finally there was a bit of a breakthrough when I was sent to the doctor who referred me to a child psychiatrist about two years ago, who I now see once a month and have counselling sessions at school weekly. However, the psychiatrist was horrid.
The room was small, tight and unorganised. The lights seemed to burn right through to the back of my eyes, and hospital or not I could detect fingerprints and bacteria on every surface under the roof. The woman herself was ridiculous. After a year of her taking notes and murmuring agreeing with me on everything I said, she decided that I 'wanted to be special.' She told me that I was not special, that I was seeking attention, that although I had dropped from ten stone to eight in two weeks and have never gone back to my normal weight since, the school's allegations that I had an eating disorder were a cry for sympathy. I hated her.
I can't type anymore - I'm being called off the computer to drink tea.
But please, it would mean so very much to me if someone commented on this. perhaps because I'm narcissistic and dependent, but all the same. It would cheer me up somewhat, to know there's someone there beyond the white face of Mr Computerscreen. Current Mood: depressed
|Monday, March 27th, 2006|
well, my name is krystal and im from perth in western australia, im 21 (22 in a few days) and ive been thinking for a while i might have something like oc disorder. well my friends think im mad anyways, thats why i thought i join a community like this because i really need to write some stuff but i dont think i can put this in my own journal, and i sorta want some input from what other people think, people that dont know me already.
well how this has started out i suppose, is that my mum has made me an appointment to go see my doctor about me being over obsessed about my security. my parents bought me this house about a year ago now, because i tried living with housemates, went through 5 in the end, but it never worked out because they couldnt put up with me. it mostly because in that house i used to go crazy at everyone about cleaning. ive always been a very clean person and i dont think that theres anything wrong with that, but i like to do the vaccuming, the mopping every week preferrably on friday nites as its nice to start the weekend with nice clean house, and then i like to the clean the bathroom and the toilet after the floors becuase i have to put the floor mat up on the toilet and the mats always have dirt in them and if you clean the toilet before the floors you just make the toilet dirty again. so id get really angry with the housemates when it was their turn to do it that week because they always leave it to the last minute and just dont do things properly. so thats why they left, or rather, i kicked 2 of them out but yeah i guess that was probably the start of it. plus i didnt feel very safe at that house cos it was near the train station so thats why my parents ended up buying me this other house where i live now, becuase its in a better area and has security screens, alarm etc.
so that was ok for a bit, because i can keep this place really tidy and there is no one here to mess it up but i now worry much more about my security because i am by myself, and i dont sleep very well and i often have dreams about burgulars, and i check the doors and the windows sometimes after i go to bed because i cant remember if they are all locked, becuase sometimes i do open them during the day and im pretty forgetful with things. i was going to get a pet to make me feel safer but i had my mums cat for a week and he drove me insane because pets are pretty dirty and i had to do so much more cleaning.
also i got a bit worried tonight (oh its like midnight here at the moment, i guess everyone else on here is probably in the states, but anywho) i got a bit worried because i was talking to one of my mates tonight about me going to the doctor about this stuff, and our convo got around to talking about strange activities, and i didnt think much of it but i fell a bit stupid now, because you see we where talking about when you talk to yourself. i wasnt ashamed to admit to my friend that i often talk to myself, i always have, im an only child and live by myself so who else am i going to talk too? anyway, i always thought that everyone talks to themselves, and its just something no one talks about to other people, but then my friend tells me that its not normal. so now im even more worried. ive always talked to myself, its just like voicing your opinions out loud.
so then he told me to do some searching on the net and so i started reading up all this stuff on oc disorder and other disorders and all kinds of things, and then i realise now i do lots of strange things. like organising. im a very organised person. i like things neat and tidy and in order, and i often do things like rewrite stuff neatly - ive always done that, even in school, but sometimes i write things out twice or three times in new books. and at work i get anal with the filing which i always thought was a good thing but apparently not. i changed lots of things when i started working there, like labels on certain things (i work for fabric importers) because i like things like labels all the same. and there is other things at work too like the divider cards in our files, they need to be all from the same pack and it really bugs me when the account lady goes and shoves any old odd divider card in instead or she puts the colours in the wrong way. i know it probably doesnt matter how they go in there but it just looks better when they are all the same and theres not odd ones everywhere.
and theres other little things like the pegs on the washing line, i always use the same colour/type of pegs for things, like i wont use a wooden clippy sort of peg with one of those plastic ones. and ive got two sets of knifes and forks, and so i like the colours separated in the drawer, because you cant use the white handled ones with the blue handled ones because they are different feeling in your hands, and i cant sleep with the fans or airconditioners on, even when its really hot, becuase i dont like the whoosing noise, esp having the ceiling fan on because its in the middle of the ceiling and i always think it might fall down and chop me up in my sleep. my dad thinks that was really funny when i told him.
as for sleep, i dont think ill get much of that tonight probably, im supposed to be up in about 5 hours, i always try to go to bed at 11 but usually always stay up later or i go to bed then but then cant sleep. but i found im allergic to gluten in bread, it makes me sleepy, so everynight i start eating bread and so now i cant sleep without eating bread. (im eating bread at the moment *sigh*) anyway, id like to read whatever anyone thinks about all this stuff. i dont really think im all that bad, but this stuff i do all the time is sort of imposing on my life a bit now, i used to do a lot of sewing and i like painting, and even have separate sewing room and a art room all set up here all ready for me to do it, but i never seem to have time for it anymore becuase my weekends are filled with cleaning, and i used to go out a bit and do stuff and party etc with my friends but i never seem to have the motivation, and then everyone thinks im ignoring them.
|Friday, March 17th, 2006|
Hi. I'm Mary, i'm 18 years old, and ive been recently diagnosed with ocd, although i have been living with it for years. its good to have a place to talk to people who understand these things. when i first went into therapy about 4 or 5 weeks ago, i talked about my anxiety and depression, but it took me a while to open up about other things i do, because i felt like it was so stupid. i tend to get so anxious, and i have these repetitive thoughts and worries that i can't control. i can't recall a time in my life where i wasnt worried about anything (although sometimes its worse than other times). ive had alot of stuff thats happened in my life recently, like a rough breakup, and some issues with school and family, and that has made it so much worse. i've been depressed for about a year, and severly depressed for at least 6 months. my 'rituals' tend to be things like touching things alot, if i touch something with one hand, i have to touch it with the other hand for the same amount of time, especially things like doorknobs. i restart and shutdown my computer 3 times a day, no more, no less. on days i have classes, i take 5 drinks out of one water fountain and 5 out of the other one. i also get compulsive about my clothes, i have 'good luck' and 'bad luck' clothes, which leads to me wearing the same thing for weeks at a time. there are other things i do too, i feel like everything has to be even, and i always do everything in multiples of 2, 3, or 5 for some reason. i also sometimes count my steps, and have to take the same number of steps with each foot. its hard for me to type this, because im only recently coming to terms with my ocd. but i feel like if theres one place that i can talk about these things, then its here, with people who deal with these issues as well. ive been getting treatment, im going to therapy, im starting a support group next week for people with anxiety disorders and depression. and im taking medication (lexapro). ive come a long way since i started getting help, but i know i still have a long way to go. last night, my mom was 2 hours late getting home, and her cell phone was turned off, and i got so scared that something had happened to her, because i wore the wrong shirt, or didn't touch the doorknob an even number of times, or something like that. when i was with my ex, i felt like i needed constant reassurance that he was happy, or that he loved me, and i was scared that if i didnt do my rituals, that he would leave me. (we ended up breaking up anyway, for many different reasons.)its kind of scary though, because i just don't know how to stop doing these things, and i don't know how to not worry. i've tried to stop the rituals before, by just not letting myself do them, but it seems like every time i do, i get so worried and scared, and even if i am able to stop them, i just develop new ones. ive talked to my parents some about it, and they are very supportive of me,but sometimes i think they feel like i'm faking it or something. they knew i was depressed and having anxiety, and encouraged me to get treatment, but i feel like they get frustrated sometimes, because they don't understand how hard it is, feeling the constant worry, and the need to do my rituals. i want to stop them,and since ive been getting help, its been interfering with my life a lot less, but i just feel so scared that if i do stop, that something bad will happen, and it will be my fault. wow, i've just let alot out. i love writing. i stopped for a long time, because it made me happy, and i felt like i didn't deserve to be happy. i think im going to write down the things i do, my rituals, and take it into my therapist appointment with me, so that way it will be all layed out for me, and it will be easier to confess. ive hidden this for so long, from my family and friends and everybody, and i just don't want to hide it anymore, i want to be happy. the therapy and the medication really do seem to be helping though, and im very hopeful that i can continue to improve my life. its great to find this kind of lj community. theres a bunch of ocd support communities, but i picked this one because it didn't seem so large, i get overwhelmed by the communities with hundreds of people in them. anyway, it feels good to let it out, and i hope to talk more with people here about these things. its nice to have people who understand. Current Mood: stressed
|Wednesday, December 21st, 2005|
Hi,I am pretty new to LJ,so I hope it is OK to post here.
I am 24 and have had OCD since I was 6 years old,my OCD consists of HIV fears,cancer fears,number rituals,constant checking,and thats just to name a few things.
I belong to a support group,we meet up once a week and they have became my best friends as a result I try to be friend fellow sufferers,the best therapy IMO is talking to people who understand,I have came on greatly by having people who get me and we help each other out.
I hope to make some more friend here too.Take care everyone and remember,we can beat this beast,with hard work,therapy and good friends we can slowly start to improve.
|Friday, July 8th, 2005|
Welcome to my community! I am a sufferer of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I know what it's like to not have a community in which people understand you...I hope that this can be corrected. So, come on in my fellow OCD brethren! :D Current Mood: accomplished